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Dear Catherine,
Joseph Campbell says, "Follow your bliss," but this
can render you broke. It seems to be a choice to follow your bliss,
heart, truth, etc., or follow dollars, security, and a comfy old
age. If I were to do what I really enjoyed, I would be a Japanese
ink painter, but I would end up in complete poverty. What advice
do you have on this subject?
- C.S., Byron Bay, Australia
Dear C.S.,
If taken too literally, Campbell's advice could certainly
render one broke and would be more appropriately offered to the
wealthy leisure class. But another way of understanding his famous
dictum is to lean in directions of your own interests in your fields
of work. Find a way to engage your most joyful talents in your existing
job or have them be foremost in your mind when entering into new
endeavors. And be willing to be uncompromising about doing things
that are contrary to your nature or integrity, as these activities
will harm you in body and mind. Many have to work to support families
or loved ones and do not have the luxury of doing exactly what they
would have done if money were not an issue. But it is possible to
find a middle way in which your work is both engaging and aligned
with your own conscience. It is also good to feel grateful for the
ability to work at all.
- Catherine
Dear Catherine,
For all the talk about finding "the beloved" within
oneself, I wonder if my yearning to find a mate can actually be
fulfilled internally. For me, although finding a soul mate is probably
an insecure and seemingly rare circumstance, that instinct just
does not abate. Is there a way of existing that somehow fulfills
and shortcuts such instincts as the desire to love and seek a beloved
in the form of a person?
- A.J., Scotland
Dear A.J.,
Of course, spending one's life with a loving partner is a
happiness that is hard to beat. However, if that is not happening
or doesn't come to be, it is best not to obsess about its
being missing or tell ourselves a story that we are not quite living
due to its lack. Some people never seem to find a fulfilling relationship,
but many relationships that seem fulfilling are not, or don't
work out for long, or any number of things happen that involve parting.
Find love with friends, family, and community. Be as loving as possible
to all those in your own orbit. It goes a long way to filling those
deep yearnings, or at least assuaging them. Let a quiet calm float
in your heart around the yearning—a wonderment about whether
that kind of relationship is in the cards for you—but not a
cry to the heavens that your life is less until it comes.
- Love Catherine
Dear Catherine,
My dog of 10 years has cancer. I know it sounds like a cliché
but she is my best friend. Although she doesn't seem to be in any
great pain, she is dying and I am in what I call a pre-grieving
state. I don't want to be so sad with her while she is still here
but I cannot help but think about the fact that she will soon be
gone and it breaks my heart every time I look at her. I wish I could
just be present with her for whatever time we have left together
and save the grieving for after she is gone. Is that possible?
- N.W., San Rafael, CA
Dear N.W.,
Your experience in the dying process is universal, applicable to
being with any loved one in a dying process. The grieving starts
as soon as it becomes clear that death is relatively imminent. This
is natural and is, in its way, a blessing. It is a gentle letting
go rather than the shock that comes with a sudden death. It allows
a little time for your love to be fully expressed and gives you
the opportunity to care for your loved one so that you will feel
complete in that love after she has gone. See this phase of your
time together as a journey of love and loss and let your feelings
of grief flow as needed.
- Love, Catherine
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